It’s about feeling unsafe, scared, and invalid. It’s about the fact that the context of the conversation was me using my desire to eliminate (or at the very least diminish) my breasts to explain my gender identity. I wouldn’t want to get rid of them so bad if gross douchebros didn’t sexualize that part of my body. It’s about the fact that I felt too scared in the moment to even shut it down the way I wish I had.

You know what, plenty of people have seen my breasts too. I’ve taken part in the Naked Bike Ride several times now (even in 2016 when I had the ear induced balanced issues that meant I really shouldn’t have been riding a bike at all tbh). Know what I like most about the Naked Bike Ride? The near absence of creepers. The fact that when you’re surrounded by thousands of human bodies, it ceases to be a sexual thing.

The nudist atmosphere of the naked bike ride helped me overcome an eating disorder, and even in some ways helped me recover from past traumas. Douchebro’s request reminded me why I do still keep my guard up. That all being said, I’m now more determined than ever to take part in the naked hike day in June. Because fuck you douchebro, I refuse to allow you the power to change my plans. I felt scared and unsafe in that moment yesterday, and I’ve now taken steps to make sure I feel safe and supported by the good community I’ve found along the trail.

I now know that I can count on my dumpster tarp in wind, rain, and even snow. In fact, not to brag, but I have been among the driest hikers camped out here in Idyllwild waiting out the weather. Also since I sleep under a tarp not a tent, I can dry my laundry and cook inside of my shelter. In fact, I could cook a nice hot breakfast for myself without ever leaving my sleeping bag if I felt like it.

Cold, Wet, not-quite-sticking-just-on-the-verge-of-rain Snow.

The good news is I have a nice warm sleeping bag. The good news is my dumpster tarp is nice and waterproof.

The bad news is I have more frozen socks. The bad news is I lost my hat and the thrift store was closed. The good news is I found one glove in a hiker box and can put a sock on the other hand. The good news is I figured out how to make my sham wow into a nice warm hat.

If the weather gets better I leave to summit San Jacinto early tomorrow morning.

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Pro tip to any male readers: my breasts have nothing to do with you, and no you don’t get to see them if you’re gonna be a wanker about it. The saddest part is I feel lucky it took 179.4 miles before I did experience sexual harassment like this. I hate being seen as a woman. Literally want to start taking testosterone so I can grow a trail beard on my next hike, then these doofuses will leave me alone, plus I’ll have a kickass trail beard.

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A truly simple life has turned out to be the most joyful way to live. I have less than I had in Portland, but I appreciate it more. Like when I fell off a roof and had less physical ability, but appreciated life more.

Trail initiation: first planks I had to do I transformed from clean day-hiker to dirty thru-hiker. It’s only gotten worse from there. It’s funny, I was so excited about the trail that first day that I wanted to kiss the ground I walked on, but at this point I’ve just completely become one with the dirt I walk across. Well, except for right this second when I’m just finished with a bucket shower in Warner Springs.

Lion King Rock. You’ll see why if I ever find the energy to edit vlogs. Gloomy Pine trees, it’s almost like I never left home.Only 1650 miles from home! Less now, this was a mileage sign over 50 miles ago. Breakfast of champions! Had to cook up some warm biscuits and gravy and coffee at Pioneer mail after how terrible the weather was on the way there. The all important PT band – I only get to be out here because I’m working hard on keeping my core muscles strong enough to hold up my damaged lumbar spine. Cowboy camped at mile 61.5. I heard it was a windy spot, so I just hiked up in the bushes and I was fine. I’ve seen so many amazing sunsets out here!Night hiked until 11:12 PM to hit the 100 mile marker on April 23. One of the Mysterious Couple. Hikers from the Netherlands that we don’t know much about yet. Some day hikers gave me food at Eagle Rock, and I was so excited about fruit that wasn’t dehydrated!

My dumpster tarp in action!! So proud of this guy, and wouldn’t part with it for the world since it’s where my trail name comes from.

This is a shout-out to my new friend Wine Troll (photo of how he got his trail name). Check out his blog!

“We don’t let things slide over here at the PCT, no fun or funny business”

said a hiker to my left. 6 hikers sit to my left in fact. This is the Hiker Hut of the PCT.

The discussion centers around the phone plans and the slow wifi here in the Hiker Hut. I don’t have data out here in Warner Springs, California, or anywhere so far along the PCT since about mile 3, so this slow wifi is what I’ve got. It took several hours to upload Instagram photos, and I’ve been spending much of the day around here retooling my pack after learning how heavy my base weight really was

…

Now stories of rattlesnakes and the tumbles they’ve caused (detouring up or down steep slopes to avoid a rattler that won’t get off the trail).

I’ve had one of those detour moments myself. Way back about mile 70. It was terrible and terrifying, but I got around well enough, and avoided any tumbles.

Civilization is a siren call, but Warner Springs is primarily so satisfying because I hiked here from the border. Bucket showers are satisfying when you walked 109 miles to earn them you see.

I feel so many things on trail, and all of them so intensely and purely.

I celebrated my own birthday by setting off north from Campo CA, and now a week in everything’s really and truly started, so it’s time to celebrate another birthday! Happy birthday to the woman who became my 43rd follower.

Dear follower, I am so happy that you’ve made it to yet another birthday. No single moment here on earth is guaranteed, and I’m so grateful that our moments overlapped at the beginning of this year. I was sad to leave you and so many others behind, but insofar as I can, I’m trying to share my adventures with you here and of course on my patreon.

As I pursue the far-off goal of reaching our northern border, I’m also pursuing just as crazy of a goal: to become a writer, really and truly. This blog is simply a rough draft and a practice for what my craft will become, but nonetheless, I hope it brings you joy to read these simple words.

Experiences are like water, and writing sometimes feels like attempting to catch water in a butterfly net. Regardless, adventures are worth having, and even the barest shadow of an adventure is worth the writing, and hopefully the reading.

Happy birthday today, and I wish you many more.

I hope that this writing, this craft I’m working to hone, brings you joy today and in the months ahead.

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Two thru hikers I met last night were inspired by my story, and their current feat of calendar tripling has inspired a new goal I’d never once considered before.