I’m not a girl. But what do you see when you look at me? A girl.

I Am Not What I Seem

I am not constrained by your narrative, have never been. I tried to fit it though. Tried hard and long and drove myself into the ground over it. I am not a good girl, but I tried to be. I am not a girl, but I’ve let you assume that in the hopes you’d simply let me be.

A Good Girl

Gets good grades, is respectful, is quiet, reads her bible and goes to church on Sundays. She wears dresses and bows in her hair, and she’s pretty, but never slutty. She tries, but not too hard. She gives the boys no reason to harass her (but someone always finds a way anyway).

A Bad Girl

Is the one the boys harass of course. Because her skirt is too short and her makeup too thick. She’s tried too hard, or not enough. She’s loud and draws attention to herself. She enjoys the attention of course, and even worse, she enjoys the sex. She must be punished because otherwise she might topple the systems we’ve built to maintain our dominant narratives.

Binaries are Fake

I’m not a good girl. I’m not a bad girl. I’m not a girl. I’m not a woman, and I’m sure as hell not a man. I am Gracetopher.